By Situation Theatre 13/07/2015
As the great Australian poet Dorothea Mackellar once wrote, “I love a really dark, still, lifeless country, a land of coal mines and CSG fields.” Inspired by both Mackellar’s work and the recent Antarctic vortex, long-time poetry wizard and boxer Tony Abbott has decreed that the “utterly offensive” wind and “visually awful” sun will no longer bother Australians.
Challenged by a rogue fan of the sun at a “Sausages For Coal” fundraiser over the weekend, the Prime Minister tersely responded “Well it was the next logical step wasn’t it? The obstructionist Senate wouldn’t let us dismantle The Clean Energy Finance Corporation. We then tried to stop the CEFC investing in wind and solar, but the natural elements and common sense just wouldn’t go away, you know? Now without the sun and wind, coal might actually be competitive."
The government will now direct investment into “emerging technologies” like cute new hats for miners as well as guns and submarines made from coal.