By Situation Theatre 29/05/2019
Much of the Canberra Press Gallery is optimistic Morrison’s mandate will deliver a long-awaited return to good governance. They also believe Ivan Milat is now a good bloke.
Pundits appearing on the Liberal Party’s ABC shows, ranging from Insiders to The Drum to Q & A to 730, are speculating that the election result has given Morrison unprecedented authority in the party room. As a result, they foresee the newly-elected Prime Minister taking the chance to undertake beneficial reforms on everything from Indigenous affairs to climate policy.
And no, they are not trying their hands at satire.
Their speculation would have far more predictive validity were they just to read out internet descriptions of fever dreams. For example:
A snake slides down the static screen of a TV in a dark room. Where are you? How did you get here? Why are you sweating?
Thousands of enormous spiders lower themselves slowly on threads, preparing to vacuum out your innards.
You have to run — people are after you. Everyone's after you. Why? What have you done?
Trust no one. Everybody you know has turned into zombie butterflies with dripping fangs. They're everywhere. They're flapping horribly in your wake, getting closer and closer with their floppy wings. One lands on your head and looks down at you. It has your face. Then the others pile on. They've caught you! They're eating you alive!
Fever dreams are the worst.
Not only do you end up alternately sweating and shivering, but you can't even get any rest because whenever you go to sleep, you end up in some bizarre nightmare dimension featuring monsters, warped space-time and fear, fear, fear.
In summary, the most accurate predictions of government for the next three years foretell snakes, spiders, a trust void, a nightmare dimension of monsters, and nothing but fear, fear, fear.