By Situation Theatre 29/5/2019
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy. Also, how good is torturing refugees?
As Australia’s first Pentecostal Prime Minister, Scott Morrison believes the Bible is “without error or fault in all its teaching”, has faith in spiritual gifts such as speaking in tongues and divine healing, and accepts Jesus Christ as personal Lord and Saviour.
As such, you can imagine just how stoked the Horizon Church local is after being praised by the Lord himself.
Last night, Jesus appeared before Morrison in the form of a cheese toastie and is reported to have said the following:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. And as we learned from the Old Testament, my Father was often a misogynistic genocidal maniac, so that explains a lot about your social and environmental policies.
As well all know, I died on the cross so you could inflict untold suffering on refugees and drown tiny Pacific Islands with impunity.
Kudos on your miracle election win by the way. Not many people know that my efforts to turn water into wine and raise Lazarus from the dead were also bankrolled by billionaires.
And just to quote some of my best gear, “for what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?” Fame, fortune, power, and that gratifying feeling of bending the poor and vulnerable to your will, that’s what. You go ScoMo!!”