By Situation Theatre 6/8/2018
The resolute former Prime Minister responded like the man of steel he is: “Yes my Liege, right away”.
Everyone saw this coming.
It started back in June when Peter Dutton actually said “It's essential that people realise that the hard-won success of the last few years could be undone overnight by a single act of compassion…”.
Then he really got on a roll in late June when he asked Australians to also guard against other human emotions like sadness, happiness and nostalgia, biological states like sleepiness, hunger and horniness, and personality characteristics like gregariousness, agreeableness and neuroticism.
By July he was calling on all Australians to ensure they didn’t appear like they had any vital organs and last week he was urging all vertebrates to make like invertebrates and ditch their spines.
Once he’d made sure he’d reduced all citizens to amoeba it only seemed natural that the next point of call was to become our overlord.
We may be a nation of protozoa ruled by a fascist tuber, but at least we haven’t opened the floodgates to yet another another hateful wave of doctors, nurses, labourers, engineers and teachers.