By Situation Theatre 14/1/2019
“Beneath our fragrant stubborn boss?”
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has followed up his common-sense policies to force councils to hold citizenship ceremonies on Australia Day and uphold a strict dress code with another sensible idea, demanding councils sterilise all Australians who can’t remember the second verse of the national anthem.
Part of his perennial quest to transform this country into an ockertopia, the forced sterilisation programme will start with all new citizens this Australia Day. It will then be rolled out across the nation in the lead-up to the next election.
Challenged at another press conference this morning that his policy may mean a lifetime of infertility for millions of Australians and the eventual wipe-out of the population, Mr Morrison seemed annoyed that anyone dared question his genocidal policy:
“We’re not just gonna cop people undermining Australia’s national day. It’s for all Australians who remember the second verse of the anthem but forget the genocide of First Peoples.”
“Australia Day is the day we’ve gotta come together by ratting out those traitors who don’t even know our national song.”
“The Mums and Dads of Australia are sick and tired of all this malarkey about respecting fellow human beings, recognising past crimes and traumas and honouring fundamental principles of justice. What they really want is to see their own children made infertile depending on whether they remember bad song lyrics.”
“This is a pretty common-sense idea, I think it has broad support,” he said.
Asked whether denying the autonomy of local councils to do what’s best by their communities was the best approach, Morrison scoffed “Of course they’ve still got autonomy. They can give vasectomies, or they can give hysterectomies. It’s up to them. This idea that forced sterilisation is somehow heavy-handed is the kind of rubbish we’ve come to expect from Bill Shorten, The Greens and their allies in the media.”
After claiming “I’m a Prime Minister that’s for standards”, Mr Morrison was prompted to recite the second verse of the anthem.
He then muttered something about an urgent date with a piece of coal and fled the press conference.