By Situation Theatre 23/4/2019
The ANU academic had also placed the probability it would involve Barnaby Joyce at 100%.
Associate Professor of Mathematics and Statistics, Emma Biggins, has calculated that given the rate at which scandals have embroiled the Liberals in the last six years, a political scandal named after the most famous of all time was bound to come up prior to this year’s election.
Ms Biggins said “Using some complex statistical formulas I can confirm #Watergate was inevitable. I can also mathematically confirm that the snouts of all Coalition MPs and their mates are well and truly buried in the trough of taxpayer money.”
The US version of the Watergate scandal took place between 1972 and 1974 after five men broke into the Democratic National Committee headquarters at the Watergate office complex in Washington, D.C. President Richard Nixon tried to cover up his involvement and it ultimately led to his resignation.
The Australian version of the scandal took place between 2017 and 2019 after the Coalition ripped off taxpayers with a shady secret deal, in other words business as usual.
Conforming to Kavanaugh’s Law, the rule that the more guilty a ruling class white man, the more aggressively he defends himself, Barnaby Joyce gave an extraordinarily shouty interview about the water deal on Radio National.
Unlike the conclusion to the original and the best Watergate scandal, Barnaby Joyce and the Liberals have yet again avoided owning up to their own corruption.
Voters are expected to provide overdue punishment come May 18.
If they don’t, well may we say, ‘God save the Queen’, because nothing will save this country from the Liberal Party.