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Situation Theatre

July 19, 2016

Eddie McGuire Says Arthur Phillip's Painkiller Habit Explains His Invasion Gaffe

by Situation Theatre


Image: ABC and Sydney Living Museums

Image: ABC and Sydney Living Museums

Image: ABC and Sydney Living Museums

Image: ABC and Sydney Living Museums

By Situation Theatre 19/07/2016

Painkillers make you do the darndest things.

If you thought racism was something to do with the complex interaction of historical, systemic and personal factors, think again.

Following Eddie McGuire’s revelations that Panadol may cause archaic views about race, the role of the popular painkiller in causing the British invasion of Australia is now also coming to light.

Mr McGuire said “Yeah what a lot of people don’t know is when Arthur Phillip set out with the First Fleet in 1787, he was actually struggling with a bit of a knee infection at the time. He was dosed up to the eyeballs on Panadol and that probably explains all the genocide and that.”

When told that paracetamol wasn’t even discovered until 1877, the lovably roguish footy commentator opted for a hilarious non-sequitur about drowning women. We all had a good laugh and eagerly waited to see whether sexism or racism would be the preferred mode for his next entry into public debate.

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