The child welfare campaigner has heartfelt concerns both for 13-year-olds and their abusers.

Following his latest comments about “disloyal” Jewish voters, let’s remain calm and remember that Adolf Hitler didn’t star in The Apprentice.

Much like all the best imperial wars of aggression, our contribution will be “modest, meaningful, and time-limited.”

Twitter users pay tribute to his knack for starting race riots and to some of their favourite times he was sued for defamation, including in 1990, 1994, 1998, 2002, 2008, 2011, 2015, and twice in 2018.

An overwhelming number of Australians have sent a stinky signal that Jones should put a sock in it for good.

With the shock jock’s career on the brink, a tidal wave of concerned citizens have offered him their -ill-wishes.

“Never forget the power of keep cups”.

How on Earth did this guy get through his probation?

Jones recently cracked 100,000 offensive comments but 2GB will not abide comment 100,001, depending on how many more advertisers pull out.

The New Zealand Prime Minister is developing a habit of expressing what we’re all thinking.

“I’m sincerely sorry that nowadays you can’t even wish violence upon female Prime Ministers without forfeiting advertising revenue”

Soz New Zealand, no takesies backsies.

Like a messier version of Uncle Terry Moody, the Australian PM brings shame upon all of us.

Jacinda Ardern emotes for all of us.

Sadly for fans of hate, propaganda, and personal vendettas, as well as climate genocide and white supremacist advocacy work masquerading as journalism, The Australian just lost its last paid subscriber.

The American President who will not shy away from hate speech has inspired the Australian Prime Minister who will not shy away from climate criminality to pose with the casualties of his barbarism.

Scott Morrison has made much of his efforts to bring his supermarket shopping bags to the Pacific Island Forum. Just don’t mention his efforts to sink Tuvalu beneath the waves.

They said it could not be done, but US President Donald Trump has given an even more obnoxious, objectionable, and nauseating hand signal than the Australian Prime Minister.

Bloody Labor, with their reckless spending and their irresponsible failure to link China to Nazism.

No one will be attending the Conservative Political Action Conference this weekend due to understandable public confusion about the date and location.

Year 7 students will now be immunised against Diptheria-Tetanus-Pertussis, Meningoccocal, and the One Nation Senator.

If we have to blame mental illness at least we’ll now have an accurate diagnosis.

“I fucked up again and I’m sorry.”

Energy Minister’ Angus Taylor’s parliamentary inquiry into nuclear power shows the Government’s renewed focus on reducing rationality in public policy, re-using the same old bullshit arguments, and recycling every Howard Government folly.

Censors thought the central plotline of Grand Theft Democracy, in which a malignant outgrowth of a morally bankrupt political system incited citizens to commit mass violence against ethnic minorities, may be a contributing factor.

And that’s like Stephen Colbert debating Donald Trump on who can be funnier.

On the bright side, 16% of the Australian workforce can now exercise their most basic democratic freedoms.

After six years suffering torturous conditions in remote prison camps, all it took for their freedom was for refugees to promise to engage in criminal behaviour that would make money for the Government’s mates at Crown Casino.

You can’t recognise Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples by idealistically listening to what they want.

New figures have been released showing 78% of Sunrise stories try to take advantage of being a nefarious player in the morally bankrupt media elite. The other 22% are stories about cats.