For Gazza, Bazza, Wazza, and an Indian billionaire, the approval is a huge win. For the rest of the world’s flora and fauna, well they can all go and fuck themselves.
In other developments, a Treaty has been signed, homelessness has been brought to an end, and Manus refugees will be immediately resettled in Australia.
Ita Buttrose has bravely boycotted the airwaves to send the government a clear signal that it has free reign over the ABC.
Mr Morrison honoured the soldiers who sacrificed their lives so Australia could imprison and torture racial groups with impunity and punish journalists for reporting the truth.
Albo has pledged to get to the bottom of which party calling itself the opposition could have let this happen.
The Stasi famously operated “at arm’s length’ from the East German government.
Millions of kids and their families have hit the streets in protest.
Morrison says he’s not troubled by the law being upheld nor the staggering hypocrisy of his entire ideology.
Told by the world’s scientists that our economic system is hurtling us towards the decimation of humanity and the extinction of most life on Earth, the other half of the country still reckon capitalism is grouse.
Give oligarchy a chance.
As we’ve learnt ever since 1975, the smart play is not to build our own power through unions and mass social movements, but to disempower ourselves and cling to the futile hope that Labor will one day actually preference workers over capital.
Australia’s unconditional support for Israel even extends to copying their political crises.
The top priority of the Coalition Government is, for the first time, to divert public attention from actual problems like the suicide crisis on Manus or the complete and total collapse of all of Earth’s life support systems, onto endless discussion of the private kinks of conservatives.
Timed to coincide with his exchange with activist Phil Cleary in which he mentioned himself 43 times, the oppressed commercial TV host has felt the need to go to even more nauseating lengths to expand upon his narcissistic defence of a sick culture.
Channelling Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib, special counsel Robert Mueller’s subtext has offered a clarion call to the cowardly centrist leadership of the Democratic Party to begin impeachment proceedings against mafia boss Donald Trump. Nancy Pelosi has again misread the subtext as saying “embrace the spirit of bipartisanship”.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy. Also, how good is torturing refugees?
Much of the Canberra Press Gallery is optimistic Morrison’s mandate will deliver a long-awaited return to good governance. They also believe Ivan Milat is now a good bloke.
The Ministry of Peace concerns itself with war, the Ministry of Truth with lies, the Ministry of Love with torture and the Ministry of Plenty with starvation. These contradictions are not accidental, nor do they result from ordinary hypocrisy: they are deliberate exercises in doublethink.
The other half either donate to the Liberal Party or have Stockholm syndrome.
New Environment Minister to save taxpayers thousands now she won’t require private flights to buy new investment properties.
Good value given the size of the data download.
It has a striking resemblance to both the old-look ministry and Canberra’s most offensive garbage dump.
Protesters from Jakarta to Jaipur and Milan to Minsk are burning cars, smashing windows and going on hunger strikes to show their outrage at the dumping of their beloved Australian Environment Minister.
The New Zealand Prime Minister remains bed-bound and nauseous,. She also faces a critical bucket shortage.
Fresh from a killing spree based on the seven deadly sins, Peter Dutton has retained the Home Affairs portfolio.
After hiding the entire ministry in his basement for the duration of the campaign, the Prime Minister has decided all he needs to run the country is his own fair dinkum attitude, a few baseball caps, and the unconditional backing of a few billionaires.
Federal MP Joel Fitzgibbon and Queensland Premier Anastasia Palaszczuk both said the Indian billionaire industrialist and chairman of the Ahmedabad-based multinational was a “true Australian hero”.
Democracy was the real winner.
Meanwhile the only half-decent candidate, Tanya Plibersek, has withdrawn from the contest because the patriarchy is patently fucked.