By Situation Theatre 11/11/2019

After screaming “not like that you smirking nightmare” while watching footage of Morrison’s bushfire press conference, the PM’s empathy consultant may now refuse all work for neoliberal robots.

Following months of one-on-one coaching with the Prime Minister, empathy consultant Bettany Williams is re-evaluating her client portfolio in light of his response to the bushfire crisis.

“I’ve spent literally thousands of hours with this guy teaching him the core competencies of being human. And still, he can’t even wipe that insufferable smirk off his face for five minutes during a press conference about a national disaster. Can you see what I’m up against?”

While Scott Morrison may be constitutionally incapable of such things, it’s easy to feel for Bettany Williams. Trying to teach empathy to the current models of neoliberal machinery, particularly those installed with Pentecostal and marketing programs, must be more demoralising than being a journalist at The Australian.