By Situation Theatre 3/3/2019

You know you’re desperately clinging to the status quo when your argument against an immensely popular democratic socialist candidate is just a list of the seven dwarfs.

Seasoned political commentators know there’s no way democratic socialist Bernie Sanders can win the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

In 2016, he had the benefit of being an outsider. Now, with $6 million raised in 24 hours, 1 million volunteers in a week, and polls showing he’s by far the most popular of the declared candidates, he’s clearly lost that advantage, so it’s hard to see how he can win from here.

Back in 2016, he was seen to be very different from his main rival. Now the Democratic field is full of candidates spruiking Bernie’s ideas, how could Bernie possibly win? People are famous for choosing cheap knock-offs when for the same price they can have the real thing.

Another reason Bernie can’t win is he is an old white man and old white men can’t succeed in modern society. Modern society is all about having diversity in positions of power. This is an especially cherished belief for powerful white people who are happy to support diverse candidates if they prop up a system which exploits diverse communities. This is a very useful argument to undermine the white candidate who will actually benefit diverse communities.

Yet another strong argument against Bernie is people hate democratic socialism. They despise healthcare and education and love wealth inequality. As a rule, people are keen to see corporations get away with paying no taxes and are happy for them to cause economic crises without consequence. They are also hoping the planet will be destroyed by these corporations as soon as possible.

And how could we forget some of the more persuasive personal reasons why Bernie definitely won’t win. First and foremost, sometimes he seems a little grumpy. No one likes a grumpy bum.

Secondly, at other times he seems Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, or Dopey.

And at all times he seems like Doc.

Screencaps from The Washington Post and Back to the Future

In summary, this proves that Bernie Sanders is too popular, genuine, democratic, and too much like the Seven Dwarfs and a character from Back to the Future trilogy to successfully run for President of the United States.