By Situation Theatre 20/11/2019
The following is the introduction to the 5th edition of the Situation Theatre newsletter. Now we know Mark Zuckerberg is wining and dining with the far-right, it probably won’t be long before Facebook is strictly pro-Nazi. Get on board and sign up to the Situation Theatre newsletter at the bottom of this piece so we don’t all have to become fascists to maintain an audience for satire.
Dear Situationists,
Just when we thought the Coalition had reached peak recklessness, the media couldn’t possibly surpass its current PB for bad journalism, and Barnaby Joyce must have already set the lowest imaginable bar for public discourse, along comes this past week to burn up all our preconceived ideas.
Always learning I guess.
You might think these 194 Government acts of environmental sabotage over the last six years might have something to do with the scale of the current bushfire crisis.
That’s where you’re wrong, you silly duffer. It’s actually a result of The Greens failing to prune a hedge back in 2009.
And don’t be so quick to judge the Government for its active sabotage, its criminal negligence, or its insane, fanatical, ecocidal, nonsensical capital-city ravings. Principled, passionate, evidence-based campaigning over many years demanding the Government address the climate emergency and protect its citizens is also a bloody disgrace.
Still, Australia has its best man on the case. Prime Minister Scott Morrison thought and prayed so hard it was almost like he was actually doing something to help those in need.
He then answered the thoughts and prayers of 10 million Australians by going missing for a few days, but then crushed the hopes and dreams of those same 10 million by turning up in the steam room of a Hamilton Island luxury spa retreat alongside a couple of mining billionaires.
He has been doing some pretty hardcore empathy training lately though so we might see a half-convincing performance of care any day now.
We hadn’t heard from fire expert Israel Folau for a while, so good thing the media stands ready to report whatever cutting-edge insights he’s gleaned from the Book of Isaiah. And we thought the state of Israel was bad.
Meanwhile, the murder of a 19-year-old Indigenous man in the remote community of Yuendumu proved for the roughly 430th time since the 1991 Royal Commission into Aboriginal deaths in custody that we are ruled by white supremacists.
Over in Bolivia, there was a smooth and orderly political transition from democracy to fascism, which if history is anything to go by, had nothing whatsoever to do with the CIA.
But it wasn’t all fire and brimstone this week.
Critically acclaimed author, journalist and human rights advocate Behrouz Boochani savoured his freedom in New Zealand. Somehow, Peter Dutton remains at large in Australia.
While usually society progresses because the powers that be voluntarily reform themselves, the fact that the Chilean government has agreed to re-write the constitution in the face of enormous protests suggests there are alternative paths to change.
Jeremy Corbyn announced a policy of free fast-fibre broadband for everyone in the UK by 2030. Malcolm Turnbull responded that thanks to him all Australians will have overpriced access to cups and strings by the same year.
The Coalition’s bold 21st century cup and string communications policy. Image from Sciencing.
Also, some no-name random called Bernie Sanders became the fastest candidate in history to reach 4 million individual donors but have you heard about the unparalleled wisdom of Joe Biden and the phenomenal youth of Pete Buttigieg?
Until next time, when hopefully The Greens will have settled down and stopped being so emotional about the Government’s gleeful dedication to mass extinction.