By Situation Theatre 30/10/2019

There’s challenging and then there’s futility.

An empathy consultant paid $190,000 to teach the Morrison Government about the intrinsic characteristics of being human has quit after comparing the task to giving a maths class to a pack of wild dogs.

The Futureye whistleblower, opting for anonymity for fear Mr Morrison would personally hunt her down and talk to her about the Cronulla Sharks prep for 2020, said “When I first got the job I thought I’d just need to remind them of what it means to be a human being. But within two minutes of interacting with these…people, I knew I’d rather have a crack at Sisyphus’s rock.”

“They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks and you certainly can’t teach these mongrels how to feel.”