By Situation Theatre 9/11/2019

Jesus, even their profile pictures are the same.

Labor leader Anthony Albanese has reinvigorated his party and sent them down a new path, that of the Liberal Party circa 1998.

He began, “Thank you very much Peter Costello and to all of my fellow Australians gathered here today and can I particularly acknowledge the presence of the Deputy Prime Minister and leader of the National Party, Tim Fischer,”, which was a somewhat troubling opener for Fischer’s grieving family.

Mr Albanese then placed a strong economy front and centre in his fresh new pitch for progressive voters.

“Never let any Australian forget that Labor had 13 years to provide protection against the ravages of what we are now experiencing. And what did Labor leave us? Labor left us, despite all the protestations of Mr Beazley and Mr Keating, a deficit of $10.5 billion and we turned that into a surplus a year ahead of schedule. Labor gave the Australian people the highest interest rates since the 1930s and in the two-and-a-half years that the Coalition has been in office we have reduced interest rates to the tune of $320 a month for the average Australian family buying a home.

We have the lowest interest rates in 30 years. And the benefits of those low interest rates have flowed beyond homebuyers to farmers and to small business people.”

He closed by saying “we are the party of growth, the party of aspiration, the party of Menzies, Fraser, and Costello.”

Mr Albanese remains optimistic that the best way for Australia’s supposed party of workers to surge confidently into the future is to cower back into the regressive rhetoric of the most anti-union Prime Minister in Australian history.