Screencaps from farewell speeches on Youtube
By Situation Theatre 3/12/2018
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to stay the fuck out of major party politics.”
There are widespread fears for the well-being of Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull today after performing his best miserable ghost impression for the last 24 hours on social media, radio, and television.
Miserable Ghosts Anonymous (MGA) is a group founded by Former Prime Minister Julia Gillard to help Australian politicians adjust to a life after being knifed as Prime Minister. Mr Turnbull has been regularly phoning it in to MGA meetings ever since he was deposed as PM back in August.
While his wife Lucy and his son Alex were pleased with Malcolm’s early progress, particularly when on the other side of the world in New York, they have become more than a little disturbed by his recent cravings for the national spotlight.
Although Mr Turnbull says he’s not a miserable ghost because he’s no longer in Parliament, he’s much like the alcoholic who claims he’s not like those other alcoholics because he drinks at home rather than the pub.
Kevin Rudd was also thought to be doing well for a while there before it was found he was secretly writing an 864-page about his time as Prime Minister.
“Hi my name is Kevin and I’m a miserable ghost. I thought I was here to help but it’s pretty clear I’m the one that needs help.”
Despite the concerns of loved ones about a lack of progress in MGA meetings, the broader Australian population is actually pretty keen to see Malcolm and Tony in particular burn their beloved party to the ground.