By Situation Theatre 16/7/2020
493 full-time jobs will be saved, so long as staff are willing to research why Dictator Dan is ruining Australia.
The university sector is breathing a sigh of relief this morning with news the Federal Government will come to its rescue so long as it dedicates itself to the disturbing kinks of the Liberal Party.
The University of New South Wales will now restructure into six faculties focused around the study of Brian Houston, why coal is such an amazing thing, the legendary career of former Sharks captain Paul Gallen, hi vis vests, intercontinental ballistic missiles, and how to write character references for sex offenders.
The rescue package announcement comes as Mr Morrison also announces the JobTrainer program for school leavers struggling to understand how to corrupt or destroy all of the nation’s best institutions and get away with it.