By Situation Theatre 19/11/2019

Turns out he was having a luxury spa retreat with mining billionaires this whole time.

Tragedy struck at 8.46am this morning when news first broke that God’s gift to oligarchy, Scott Morrison, was no longer missing.

The Prime Minister was discovered opening up his pores with mining billionaires Clive Palmer and Gina Rinehart in the steam room at a world class luxury resort on Hamilton Island.

As the nation burned over the past week, Clive, Gina, Scott enjoyed a private world of sensory perfection at Qualia, the stunning resort surrounded by all the bleached splendour of the Great Barrier Reef.

Qualia has long been a paradise for the nation’s oligarchs who meet to enjoy the mesmerising calmness, the open-air yoga, and the tingling genital sensation that setting fire to the nation brings.