By Situation Theatre 4/11/2019

Those who catch the bus, bank ethically, or fail to eat red meat six times a day, will be forced to pay a “treason tax”.

The Liberal Party, which at this point is about as ideologically consistent as a vegan tucking into the all you can eat special at the local Brazilian BBQ, has just released a national list of approved consumer behaviours.

The list includes dumping your household waste directly into the throat of a dolphin, taking the eggs out of the carton one by one and using a plastic bag for each, driving to your next-door neighbour’s house, and stockpiling tonnes of lamb and just watching gleefully like a sicko while it rots.

Any slight deviation from the behaviours on this list will be punished by a new tax called the “treason tax”, as well as a series of injuries administered by Victorian police.