By Situation Theatre 8/12/2015
Already brimming with excitement after his recent second hand fridge purchase, the former Prime Minister has had another win this morning - the Nobel Peace Prize.
Abbott joins a long list of hard-working peace advocates.
US politician Cordell Hull won in 1945 for successfully campaigning to turn around 950 Jewish refugees on board the SS St Lewis in 1939. Many of these refugees denied entry to America later died in the Holocaust. The Nobel Prize committee thought Hull did a terrific job of “stopping the boats”.
President Richard Nixon’s Secretary of State Henry Kissinger was awarded the prize for his stellar efforts carpet bombing Cambodia and providing arms and support to an anti-communist repression campaign which killed thousands of people in South Vietnam.
The Nobel Committee had concerns Barack Obama’s peace prize looked a little undeserved in 2009, as all he’d really done was give some nice speeches. The Committee’s choice has since been validated with Obama’s efforts to keep Guantanamo Bay open, escalate the war in Afghanistan, bomb Syria, and kill at least 500-800 civilians in drone strikes.
Tony Abbott fits in well with this illustrious gang of peace champions. His asylum seeker policies have already been recognised by the UN Committee On Torture, but it’s nice to feel acknowledged by multiple international institutions. His valiant efforts to stir up Islamophobia have borne fruit with the recent rise of the far right in Australia and his pacifistic bombing of Syria and calls for ground troops surely entitle him to the illustrious peace prize. Abbott’s contribution is truly global, having exported his Christian doctrine of using human suffering to enhance personal political ambitions to the international refugee crisis.
Congratulations Mr Abbott. Like Hull, Kissinger and Obama before you, you really deserve it.