By Situation Theatre 1/2/2016
Never fear progressive voters, Turnbull’s social justice policy platform will be here just in time for an ice free Arctic in about 2050.
The Prime Minister has assured his centre-left base that as soon as Peter Dutton, Greg Hunt, Eric Abetz, Tony Abbott and Scott Morrison die in their 80s and 90s, he’ll crack on with a progressive policy agenda.
Mr Turnbull said that as soon as Peter Dutton trips over a stapler and dies, aged 94, he will cease Australia’s torture of asylum seekers and multiple crimes against humanity.
As soon as Greg Hunt dies of heatstroke in an intense climate change driven heatwave, aged 83, the Prime Minister will re-introduce a carbon tax to parliament.
As soon as Eric Abetz drops dead in an especially vigorous homosexual orgy, aged 91, Mr Turnbull will move to legalise gay marriage.
As soon as Tony Abbott chokes on his Prince Phillip doll, aged 100, Mr Turnbull will hold a referendum on the Republic.
As soon as Scott Morrison drowns in a pool of jelly he makes for a future episode of Kitchen Cabinet, the Prime Minister will, well, continue punishing the poor because he’s never really wanted to do otherwise.
Meanwhile Turnbull has said his beliefs about asylum seekers, climate change, marriage equality and the republic are all “non-core”.
It’s only his belief in making the rich richer that really matters.