By Situation Theatre 8/2/2020

All passengers are infected with greed and all cases are terminal.

It began as a boys club bonding trip, but for the 2153 billionaires aboard the Diamond Princess, the chance to share a laugh over the mass of humanity they were crushing beneath their gold-plated jackboots has turned into a waiting game marked by fear and uncertainty.

On Monday, as they prepared to dock in Yokohama, near Tokyo, to savour the final few days of their adventure, all passengers found themselves trapped by revolting masses who realised this was a perfect chance to quarantine the most diseased section of the global population.

When the public learned that these billionaires have more wealth than the 4.6 billion people who make up 60 per cent of the planet’s population, that the 22 richest men have more wealth than all the women in Africa, and that only 4 cents in every dollar of tax revenue comes from taxes on wealth, the overwhelming danger of this sickness made containment a matter of urgency.

The endless supply of buffet food and drink, along with activities, entertainment and shore visits, has abruptly dried up, replaced by what to the passengers must seem like hell on Earth: one hot drink a day, no-frills meals, and the denial of access to paedophile islands.

Things are about to get a whole lot worse though, for the billionaires’ captors are planning a televised battle royale death match with the working title of The Hungry Hungry Games.

While the billionaires desperately wanted to bribe their kidnappers to secure their own release, their wealth has already been seized and redistributed to the Global South.

In any case, for the 99%, the joy of justice is priceless.

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