He truly is blessed.

While most’ resolutions are on the scrapheap by about January 3rd, this one’s gonna stick.

Meanwhile, exhausted volunteer firefighters clock on for their 5th 12-hour shift this week.

“So this is what doing a job is like.”

The Rise of Greta makes The Rise of Skywalker look like child’s play.

What fires?

Millions of Australians have turned up to their local Murdoch outlets to return the faulty product, only to be told their only alternative is even more defective.

“I really thought I would be Australia’s most hated Prime Minister so long as I lived. To be now liked more than at least one other man really is the most precious gift.”

Seems fair.

The former Deputy PM said he’s “sick of the Government being in my life. Cows respond “how the fuck do you think we feel?”

Bill Shorten had his flaws but at least psychopathy wasn’t one of them.

“We face a serious crisis and the only thing for it is a few photos of me pretending to care”.

Only a million?

Renewable energy is a beautiful thing.

A man who has spent over six years torturing innocent people in remote island prisons and denying them medical treatment has called for peace, love and harmony in the wider community.

Demands for Smoko to return from Hawaii have been replaced by demands for Smoko to go back to Hawaii.

“I’m barely even a human being.”

Tell me more about how I’m too sensitive.

A man who just spent the week drinking Mai Tais in an island paradise while two fathers died fighting the fires he helped fuel and did nothing to stop, has drawn attention to his own plight.

PM “comforted” by the fact Australians would like him to at least do the bare minimum required by his job.