Reported with sincere apologies to the lobotomised sewer rat community.

The convicted paedophile has been thrilled to have his public reputation rehabilitated by the contrast with the Pentecostal PM’s response to the bushfires.

“Dear Leader is having a much-deserved rest and will be back on the frontlines putting out all the fires single-handedly ASAP. By the way, Australia has always had bushfires and the climate has always been changing.”

The call comes as Scott Morrison renames this nation “The Democratic Republic of Australia”.

The new report on the civil rights of countries worldwide stated “ICYMI, there’s some seriously messed up stuff happening down under”.

After seeing viral footage of a heavily armed police officer terrorising a ten-year-old girl asserting her right to breathe in future, Senator Sanders said a UN peacekeeping mission was a matter of urgency.

The viral footage of a man doing his job has confused Australians who have become much more to accustomed to absent fathers.

The leader of the Australian branch of the neoliberal death cult demands silence from his victims as they burn.

A man calling himself “The Prime Minister” is wanted for 3456 counts of arson, 4367 counts of negligence, 144,555 counts of climate criminality, and 1,567, 879 counts of insufferable smugness.

194 of 195 countries of the global community have banded together to condemn the Morrison regime for setting fire to Australian democracy.

Mr Morrison caught the first business class flight home from a meeting with Brian Houston in New York on how to best cover up his Dad’s sex offences when he heard the Springvale coal mine was in danger.

Assuming Aesop was right that “a man is known by the company he keeps”, then old mate Smoko’s climate goals may be a touch on the questionable side.

It was only a matter of time.

“At least Nero fiddled only a few miles from the great fire, Morrison’s gone to fucking Hawaii”.

The Government has been quick to silence rumours the PM is holidaying with his family in Hawaii, instead revealing he’s enjoying a much-deserved break with the chief lieutenant and successor of the first Dark Lord, Morgoth.

“He’s a disgrace and he should step down”, Morrison said of Morrison.

#SackSmoko

Australian democracy has just been upgraded from “narrowed” to “open” after a coup d'état by a group of 29 former emergency service bosses called Emergency Leaders for Climate Action ousted the existing authoritarian regime.